The growth mindset has dug me out of a few crises, especially recently.
You see, over the last year, I went down a big rabbit hole into systemic oppression, patriarchy….that kind of thing.
I did some major deconstruction of my biases, as a therapist, that's REALLY important.
The idea about 'smashing the patriarchy' found me through the work I do in the menopause space. Before that, I was 100% growth mindset and believed that no matter what the circumstances, ANYONE could make positive changes in their own lives.
At first I found the whole patriarchy thing incredibly validating but after a while it started to depress me. I could only take so much. It’s heavy shit and changes absolutely EVERYTHING you thought you ever knew.
You really need to take a breath and take a moment.
It was completely necessary though and I learnt so much about my privilege, decolonisation, social determinants of health,...
How much of the ageing symptoms that we experience is actually just stereotype embodiment?
Stereotype embodiment refers to the process by which individuals internalize and embody stereotypes that are prevalent in their culture or society. It suggests that stereotypes can influence people's self-perception, behavior, and even their physical and mental health.
When individuals are repeatedly exposed to stereotypes about a particular social group to which they belong, they may begin to internalize those stereotypes and incorporate them into their self-concept. For example, if someone repeatedly hears that older adults are forgetful and frail, they may start to believe and exhibit those characteristics themselves, even if they were not true for them personally.
Stereotype embodiment can operate through various mechanisms. One mechanism is stereotype threat, where individuals are aware of negative stereotypes about their group, which can lead to anxiety and...
Healing from anything is often a time when we come out of the matrix and as a result, our perspective shifts dramatically.
Before we take a look at the paradigms I’m no longer subscribing to (and why), let’s take a look at what exactly a paradigm is.
A paradigm is a framework, model or way of thinking. Essentially it's a lens through which individuals, communities, countries, political parties, organisations and religions interpret the world around them. It's how they define problems and search for solutions.
Paradigms define the scope of enquiry, establish boundaries and set the criteria for what is considered valid and important.
Paradigms are often well established and can be hard to change because they are often accepted as the ‘norms’. However some paradigms are extremely harmful to our mental and emotional wellbeing.
Shifting a paradigm often requires a kind of 'rebellion' as a way of taking our power back.
What happens when you want to connect with others but your nervous system finds connection a threat?
This is a dichotomy that many people face as they long for connection but also find it difficult [enter social anxiety].
Let’s start at the beginning. Why might someone feel this?
If we’ve had adverse relational experiences in childhood or adulthood (either through abuse, neglect or enmeshment) we may find it difficult to trust that others will be able to meet our needs.
Maybe we’ll feel that...
We’ll be judged for who we are.
Our needs won’t beacknowledge.
We’ll be ignored.
We’ll be taken advantage of.
Boundaries will be overstepped.
We’ll be scrutinised and those observations will be used against us.
It's not a co-incidence that we worry about these things. Somewhere in our past we had a very good reason to worry about them.
For many, these concerns are...
Many partners these days spend a lot of time (while together) on social media each being drawn further and further into their own paradigm creating a schism in their relational bubble proving it harder and harder to coexist in real life due to massive differences in thinking (phew that was a long sentence!).
And did you know relational disharmony massively increases feelings of anxiety, so it's worth investing some time in to get right.
Creating harmony in such a relationship can be incredibly challenging unless both parties are willing to actively come out of their paradigms in participate in the paradigm of their relationship on a regular basis (how often needs to be agreed).
It requires: a recognition of what is going on, a willingness to participate in the relationship and the environment of the relationship (ie the home), open communication, mutual respect, and a stretch to understand and appreciate each other's perspectives.
Frankly there’s no point in making the investment in RTT if the changes are not going to stick right?
Short of me living with you and following you around everywhere, you’re going to have to apply some principles by yourself.
Here’s what I recommend [adapted from ACT therapy principles].
Purpose - KNOW the reason WHY you want to continue the change. What are your values? Why are they important to you and how are you going to commit to them? Also, what are the consequences of reverting back to the old way of thinking or the old behaviour?
Practice - Changing thought and behaviour patterns is a PRACTICE. Just like you have to practice golf to get better at golf you have to practice choosing a different thought and...
Have you heard of Absolute Thinking? Some call it rigid thinking. If you get stuck in a state a state of overwhelm, anxiety, depression or procrastination (and you’ve tried everything) it might be because of something called 'absolute thinking'.
Absolute thinking can often pose a problem because it can lead to inflexibility, intolerance, and difficulty in problem-solving. For example, a person who engages in absolute thinking might be unable to consider alternative solutions to a problem because they believe there is no way out.
Examples of absolute thinking are:
"Men/women never listen"
"I never sleep well in the summer"
"I always feel bad during my period"
"Ageing is a curse"
"No one is ever there for me"
Absolute thinking is characterised by the words 'always' and 'never' and denotes psychological inflexibility.
Psychological flexibility, on the other hand, is the ability to adapt and respond effectively to changing situations and challenging...
Hypnotherapy, which is the use of hypnosis for therapeutic purposes, has a long and fascinating history dating back thousands of years.
What most people don't realise is that hypnosis is a state of mind that occurs every day and it doesn't actually feel that unusal. In simple terms it's when we are 'in the zone'. During this state time passes quickly and we don't consciously remember making that cup of tea, or driving to that location, our automatic pilot takes over. Essentially it's when our brain wave speed slow down.
During hypnotherapy, the hypnotherapist induces a slower brainwave state by helping you to relax. This opens the doorway between the mind and body enabling us to do some all important work on your psychology.
Ancient civilizations such as the Egyptians, Greeks, and Romans all used forms of hypnosis for healing and spiritual purposes. In fact, the word "hypnosis" comes from the Greek word "hypnos," which means...
The only way to conquer your fears is to face them head-on. It's not easy, but it's worth it.
Last week in Cornwall we walked around The Rumps with big ole sheer drops next to us.
Not gonna lie… I felt a bit , but it felt great to conquer something scary and made me feel alive.
It got me thinking about facing fears. Many of us are stuck in a rut because we don’t want to expose ourselves to fear but the longer you leave it, the worse it gets in your head.
Here are some tips for facing your fears:
1. Identify your fears: Write down what you're afraid of and why.
2. Start small: Take small steps towards facing your fear. For example, if you're afraid of heights, start by standing on a step stool and work your way up.
3. Seek support: Talk to someone you trust about your fears and ask for their support.
4. Focus on the present: Don't let your mind wander to negative outcomes. Focus on the present moment and take things one step at a time.
What many people don't realise, is that our ability to focus affects our overall sense of wellbeing. A scattered focus degrades our wellbeing and a sharp focus enhances it. So follow these six steps to help you improve yours.
Recognise what’s happening to you.
Recognise that every time you go on your phone corporations with gargantuan influence have a vested interested in stealing your attention and they will make it so compelling that you don’t even know it’s happening. Basically if you’re not on your phone, they can’t target you with advertising or influence, so they WANT you on your phone and they will make it incredibly enticing. When you feel yourself getting sucked into a rabbit hole that is numbing you out, just yell at yourself to STOP. Remind yourself what your values are and then ask yourself is mindless scrolling in line with my values or against my values? Now go and do something that is IN LINE with your values, even...