Recently, on a trip to Milan, I let myself “go there”… like really “go there.”

The gelato, the pasta, the shopping.

I see myself as an N of 1 experiment and before the trip, I’d been fairly restrained as I was in “body engineering” mode, so I made an intentional decision to get swept up in it all. Just for the sheer pleasure of playing with life (and also exploring my emerging — stronger — Italian identity).

By the third day of this cultural experiment, my digestive tract felt like burning embers and my brain kept grabbing at the thought of “what’s next” like a Duracell bunny.

It was the morning of our departure as I sat waiting for my husband to finish his text, belly and suitcase bloated, when a curiosity popped into my head.

I asked myself the question…

“Now that I’m no longer driven by my reproductive hormones (oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone), am I now driven by my brain hormones (dopamine, serotonin etc.) instead?”

A very clunky question I know, but nevertheless, ...

Honey, you don't.... there's no such thing as self sabotage.  It's a constructed label. I'll unpack it for you, but first let's start at the beginning. 

“Why do I keep sabotaging myself?”

It’s one of the most common questions I hear.

And I completely understand why.

On the surface, it does look like sabotage.

You say you’ll go to the gym… and you don’t.
You plan to eat well… and you reach for chocolate.
You want the relationship to work… and you pull away.
You commit to the business idea… and then procrastinate.

From the outside, it looks like you’re getting in your own way.

But as the charming rebellious sagittarius that I am, I'd like to challenge this idea.

The Hidden Assumption Behind “Self-Sabotage”

The idea of self-sabotage rests on one very important assumption:

That there is a correct way to behave…
And that you are deviating from it.

But who decided what “correct” is?

Let’s take something simple.

You don’t go to the gym one morning.

Is that sabotage?

Or is it your b...

Hello friend.  If you're searching for Hypnotherapy Brighton or looking for a Brighton hypnotherapist, there is a good chance you are asking one important question before booking your first session:

Does hypnotherapy actually work, or is it just a stage trick?

It’s a fair question. Hypnosis has been surrounded by myths for decades. Swinging pocket watches. People clucking like chickens. Magicians in velvet jackets commanding the audience.

But clinical hypnotherapy is something very different.

Over the past 40 years, hypnosis has been studied in hospitals, psychology departments and pain clinics around the world. And the findings are increasingly clear: hypnosis can be a powerful therapeutic tool when used in the right context.

In this article, I want to walk you through what the research actually says. Not the hype. Not the marketing. But the science behind hypnotherapy.

What Is Hypnotherapy Really Doing in the Brain?

Hypnosis is best understood as a state of focused attention...

There’s a moment in the evening that many women recognise once they reach perimenopause or menopause.

The day has been full.
Productive, even.
You’ve eaten properly, moved your body, done what needed to be done.
You may even be on a medication that is supposed to quiet appetite altogether.

And yet, as the light fades, something wakes up inside you.

Not hunger exactly, not even emotional eating in the way it’s usually framed.

More like… a pull.
A niggle.
A sudden and very specific interest in something crunchy, sharp, stimulating.
An oral something.

It can feel slightly perplexing. You might even translate it as a lack of willpower, even though somewhere deep down you know that’s not really true. (And for the record, it definitely isn’t.)

This is especially uncomfortable for women who are used to being capable, regulated, and in control. Women who don’t usually find themselves circling the cupboards but well…. are.

Your body isn’t being difficult. 

It’s trying to find a way of r...

The Paradox of the ‘Strong-Minded’ Personality

When people first contact me for hypnotherapy in Brighton (or online), they often say, “I’m not sure if I can be hypnotised, I’m too strong minded.” It’s a belief that comes up again and again: the idea that hypnotherapy is about ‘losing control’ and that only people who are suggestible, passive, or ‘weak-willed’ can benefit.

But here’s the paradox, and something hypnotherapists like Adam Eason have spoken about extensively: being strong minded is NOT a barrier to hypnotherapy. In fact, it can be one of the greatest assets.

Strong minded individuals often thrive in hypnosis because of what they bring:  focus, imagination, collaboration and commitment.  These are exactly the qualities that make hypnotherapy so powerful.

Misunderstanding Hypnosis

We live in a culture where hypnosis has been presented through films, TV shows, or stage performances as something done to you. The hypnotist swings a pocket watch, you surrender, and your ‘str...

I completed my 5k milestone on 20th February 2024... Ta Dah! 

And wow what an incredible experience running that final run.  I had Mutemath to keep me company in my ears and when I turned on to the beach decking at around 6pm to fun the final stretch, it was quiet, pitch black, just me and the beach.  I had the biggest smile on my face and I felt so high, in fact I kept on running after the bell.  

All I can say is, the feeling of achievement was so worth it. 

So welcome to part 2 of this blog, if you haven't read part one, you can read it here.

Here's where we get into the real nitty gritty of the mindset hacks I deployed to get me through some of the toughest moments.   

Let's dive in. 

When the going got tough, I pretended I was running with others
I’m a lone wolf.  Always have been.  I prefer living to the beat of my own drum.  But when the going gets tough, you need others.  I’d read somewhere that running in packs is encoded into our DNA and so when things felt tough I t...

We painted our hallway blue, beautiful Marrakech blue, now I can't stop seeing it everywhere I go. 

My husband is the same.  Whenever we watch a film, go into a shop or restaurant, we see it.

Somewhere.

On the wall, in a picture, someone's wearing it. 

I'm sure it's always been there, we've just never NOTICED it before. 

But now, because this blue has MEANING to us, we are seeing it everywhere!  

Ta Dah ⬆️

Ok, I'm making a meal out of this for effect, because I knew this would happen after we'd painted our walls. 

And I knew this would happen because I'm fascinated with the Reticular Activating System.  

Here's a quick 101 on the RAS. 

The RAS is a network of neurons in the brain which acts as a filter for sensory information determining what stimuli are important and deserving of our attention.  We need this filtration system in our brain because in reality, there's just too much information in the world for us process at any one time.  We don't know it, but we are only se...

Deep change takes a recognition of where we have split off from the authentic self. 

Having helped many clients deal with a range of things they want to change (from avoidant attachment styles to skin picking) what we’re really finding at the heart of the matter is a split from self. 

Therefore to heal is to reconcile with self and live in a more empowered way making every decision with authencity at the core, dissolving cognitive dissonance, the presence of which drives thoes pesky symptoms. 

People talk about authenticity a lot though but what does it really mean?

When we operate authentically we make choices from a place of our true identity, NOT an identity that  belongs to our childhood or that has been intervoven with beliefs rendered from traumatic events. 

When children have been parented in a way that over-rides their natural intuition using co-cercive control or manipulation, dis-empowering the child’s inner widsom, what you create in the child is a loss of true identity...

Have you heard of the expression, "You don't stop playing because you age, you age because you stop playing."  ?

Well I think something similar is going on with our libido during menopause. 

Yes the initial hormone decline may cause our libido to drop but it's OUR job to re-ignite it otherwise we end up in the trap that goes:  'you don't stop having sex because of menopause, you menopause because you stop having sex.'

Maybe that's not actual science, but there's something in the idea which feels important and certainly goes along with the theory of stereotype embodiment. 

The health benefits of sex and orgasms are phenomenal. 

The increased levels of nitric oxide released during orgasm bring improvements in: 

🍆 cardiovascular health including blood pressure.
🍆 exercise performance.
🍆 immune function.
🍆 memory and overall brain function.
🍆 wound healing.
🍆 anti inflammatory.
🍆 emotional regulation.

all of which support a healthier menopause and so I think we would do well to be curio...