Have you heard of the expression, "You don't stop playing because you age, you age because you stop playing." ?
Well I think something similar is going on with our libido during menopause.
Yes the initial hormone decline may cause our libido to drop but it's OUR job to re-ignite it otherwise we end up in the trap that goes: 'you don't stop having sex because of menopause, you menopause because you stop having sex.'
Maybe that's not actual science, but there's something in the idea which feels important and certainly goes along with the theory of stereotype embodiment.
The health benefits of sex and orgasms are phenomenal.
The increased levels of nitric oxide released during orgasm bring improvements in:
🍆 cardiovascular health including blood pressure.
🍆 exercise performance.
🍆 immune function.
🍆 memory and overall brain function.
🍆 wound healing.
🍆 anti inflammatory.
🍆 emotional regulation.
all of which support a healthier menopause and so I think we would do well to be curious about ways we can learn to re-fan the flames 🔥
In this blog, we'll explore six ideas to increase your libido during menopause, naturally, using the power of the mind/body connection.
Idea 1: Set the intention for wanting to increase your libido.
Low libido is a vicious cycle that we get stuck in. It goes something like this. Our libido is low and the idea of sex makes us go 'no thanks'. We push it away because we don't want it and then we get stuck in not wanting to do anything about it because of the ick factor. It's similar to not liking vegetables, avoiding them because of the dislike and then avoiding doing anything about it (even though you know they are good for you) because you don't want to face the ick. Setting the intention to face the resistance (aka ick) is an invitation I'd like you to consider.
Idea 2: Challenge the media perception of youth as the only viable idea of sexy.
As we go through menopause and our body changes, we might start to feel that we are no longer sexy because we no longer fit into the stereotype of the young hot body. I'm here to call BS on that. Sexy and horny is NOT a body type, it's a feeling that your body is able to feel and as such it's ok for you to own it no matter what your body shape or size. No one OWNS your ability to be aroused (unless that's part of your kink), only you do. Choose to allow that marvellous function of your human body to be expressed no matter what your body looks like.
Idea 3: Consciously choose sexy thoughts.
Your brain is your biggest sex organ, not your genitals, and just because our brain is changing during menopause it doesn't mean we are lumbered with low or no libido. We can re-fire those neurons, we just have to be a bit more intention about it. Is your brain ingesting a lot of social media, terrifying news, other people's opinions or are you just in planning mode all the time? Libido requires SPACIOUSNESS and BEINGNESS and sometimes it requires a bit of help to poke the fire. Try some audio erotica. If you have a Spotify subscription you'll find all sorts of good erotic fiction on that or next time you're in Waterstones, hop on over to that section. And by the way, feel free to masturbate as much as you like, during menopause it's so good for the health of your vagina! You won't go blind, I promise.
Idea 4: Reprogram & Rewire Your Brain
I created a powerful audio hypnosis called Ignite Your Libido. Consider letting me hypnotise you in to believing that you WANT to ignite your libido and that it's absolutely available to you. In my recording Ignite Your Libido I use powerful language to help you reclaim your sexuality and feel pleasure once more. Anna Price, one of my customers said "these have been way more powerful than I expected them to be. All my menopause symptoms have improved. They've changed me not only physically but emotionally too. I've never got so much from such a small investment." At £24.99, it's got to be worth a shot.
Idea 5: Get your foundations in place.
Sleeping badly, on a sugar and caffeine roller coaster, loose boundaries with family or work, anxiety through the roof? Hmmm.... not the ideal environment for pleasure. I'll be honest with you, it's really hard to change something if your foundations are wonky, so it might be worth having a think about what foundational piece you can address first. But here's my caveat to that. Sometimes it's also really hard to change our foundations if we're all wound up so tightly. It's a bit of a catch 22. Do we instigate more pleasure so that we can address our foundations with more ease or do we fix our foundations so that we can experience more pleasure? Personally I think it's a bit of both. By the way my hypnosis recording Ignite Your Libido is also great for giving you 20 minutes of much needed time out helping your body and brain experience more balance, an excellent way of building stronger foundations.
Idea 6: Uncover your core beliefs around sex.
Pre menopausally, when we had all that luscious oestrogen swimming around in our brain, for most it would have been relatively easy to become aroused. It didn't take much work, but then menopause comes along, strips us of that ease and we're left with whatever psychological wounds there to begin with. But this is not all bad news because it does present a wonderful opportunity to do some deep reflective work and that includes understanding our 'sexual soup'. Our sexual soup is the narrative that we were raised in around sex. We all have one and learning about yours will help you to make sense of how you're feeling about sex today without your brain bath of oestrogen, testosterone and progesterone. What was the sexual narrative that you grew up in? Was it too much information? Not enough information? Was it shrouded in shame? What did you get told about masturbation? Did you catch your parents in the act? Did they catch you in the act? How was it dealt with?
Doing this kind of uncovering can be highly transformative and liberating either done alone or with a therapist. If you're interested in how I can help you using Rapid Transformational Therapy, you might want to click here to learn more.
So in conclusion, even though there's a correlation between the onset of menopause and low libido, reviving your libido it isn't as simple as getting your hormone levels back up. It actually requires behaviour change which comes from wiring your brain differently because, as we know, your brain is in charge over your arousal, not your genitals.
So what did you think of this article? Was it helpful? Drop me a WhatsApp message using the bubble in the bottom right corner.