Why You Don't Really Want Happiness And What You Probably Want Instead


I can't believe I'm about to say this...

I NEVER want you to be happy because what I want for you is so much bigger than happiness. 

Ok, let’s dig. 

Why do we only strive for this one emotion when there are so many more beautiful ones to experience? 

I have a theory.

Because we’ve been hypnotised to believe that happiness is the thing we SHOULD want and there are certain things that will get us there.

The swimming pool, the house, the pay rise, the Gucci, the 5 star trips, the accolades, the milestones, the glitterati friendships.

But why is it that when we get there, it only feels good for a moment and then the emptiness settles in again?

It’s because happiness, like all emotion, is fleeting. 

After working with people deeply for 23 years, I am 99.9% certain that happiness is not what most people want.  They want something more enduring, something more foundational.  

When my clients tell me that all they want is to be happy,  it's a sign that deeper enquiry is needed. 

Instead we explore heart based values like:

peace, acceptance, alignment, one-ness, contentment, unity, harmony, coherence.

Here's why the idea of wanting happiness is flawed. 

When you listen to a popular piece of orchestral music (like Gladiator or the theme tune to Superman), my guess is, it doesn’t make you happy, it MOVES you.   

You are ‘changed’ by it afterwards.  You feel raw, exposed, different.  Your molecules have been stirred….

you feel 


So if striving for happiness is not going to make us happy, what might be a better option for our focus?

Dun, dun, dah….


Because resolving the conundrum of life (the PROCESS of which ignites your creativity) makes you feel alive, and if you’re a human, not a robot, I’m guessing you want to feel ALIVE not, merely happy. 

When you think about the capacity of human emotion, happiness seems trite. 

Here’s a good one.

Your life's sustenance comes from ‘the LIFTING of a worthwhile burden.’  (Jordan Peterson.)

So when reflecting on what you want for next year, yes think about your goals, but don’t be under any illusion that they will bring you happiness. 

Instead know that it’s the JOURNEY you have to withstand to get you there that will bring you fortitude, resilience and a sense of inner personal power and it's THOSE states that will bring you closer towards inner peace (a more lasting version of happiness.)

It’s the 'tension seeking resolution' that forces CREATIVITY to emerge from you like a seedling wrenching itself out from soil into the light.

AND THAT DOESN'T ALWAYS FEEL GOOD, but it does feel worthwhile. 

So ALLOW the full spectrum 🌈 - Let there be all of it.   

And by the way, when you are moved by art & music it’s because your cells are responding to the energy of creativity bursting forth.  

Creativity, like intuition and imagination are new senses that the human race are being called to develop.

So how are you going to shift your focus from 'goal' to 'journey' now that you have read this?  How will you reframe it so that the discomfort of the journey is the thing that sustains you? 

We go big on this inside my 1:2:1 Rapid Transformational Therapy sessions.

I’d love to know your reflections, drop me a WhatsApp message here



RTT with me is accessible from Brighton, Shoreham, Hove, East Sussex AND online

RTT helps with anxiety, weight loss, depression, low confidence, social anxiety, exercise motivation, stuckness & blocks, public speaking, fears, phobias, auto immune issues, relationship disharmony, frequent urination, migraines, low libido, hot flushes, insomnia, brain fog, scattered focus, vaso vagal syncope, fears around ageing and anything that requires a change of perception or behaviour.  



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