Deep change takes a recognition of where we have split off from the authentic self.
Having helped many clients deal with a range of things they want to change (from avoidant attachment styles to skin picking) what we’re really finding at the heart of the matter is a split from self.
Therefore to heal is to reconcile with self and live in a more empowered way making every decision with authencity at the core, dissolving cognitive dissonance, the presence of which drives thoes pesky symptoms.
People talk about authenticity a lot though but what does it really mean?
When we operate authentically we make choices from a place of our true identity, NOT an identity that belongs to our childhood or that has been intervoven with beliefs rendered from traumatic events.
When children have been parented in a way that over-rides their natural intuition using co-cercive control or manipulation, dis-empowering the child’s inner widsom, what you create in the child is a loss of true identity and as a result they are forever living their lives FOR someone else, causing a great deal of anxiety in their system.
Enter the coping mechanism. Drugs, alcohol, smoking, skin picking, nail biting, over working, co-dependency, powerlessness etc.
So the work to heal any kind of symptom is to reclaim our authenticity by learning to define our true identity.
The therapy that I offer (Rapid Transformational Therapy or RTT) is an initiation (or a re-initiation) in to this process.
It’s not a one and done thing but RTT can be PART of the story.
So if tending to an issue is about re-claiming our authencitiy, how do we actually do that?
Here are 5 suggestions.
Understand the story of your life. Most podcast conversations start with context. In order for us to gain clarity, we need to know where we are starting from. Be the celebrity guest in your own podcast conversation. Explore your life events. What happened to you? How did your interactions make you feel? What did you make them mean? How are you acting them out today? Take an interest in what shaped your current life situation.
This is the bit most people skip because we live in a grief illiterate culture. But in order to truly heal we must grieve the loss of our authentic identity. Many people think that grief can only occur when we lose something or someone close to us, but the nature of grief runs deeper. We can also grieve for some part of us we’ve never known. It’s ‘the loss of integrity to our psyche’ as Francis Wellor says, that is painful to our soul. Our true identity/true nature got down played, under rug swept, tossed aside, told it was no good and so we abandoned ourselves to keep this part hidden. This placated our caregivers, absolutely necessary when growing up, but devastating for the adult. This parking of our authenticity is a tragedy to our soul and we must greive that loss otherwise stress accululates in our system as we overlay striving for betterment on top of unprocessed shame and pain, building our house on quicksand.
Divorce is not just for intimate marriages. We can divorce ourselves from painful parts of the past too that are in contradiction to who we want to be today. We do this under hypnosis in our RTT sessions but anyone can do a similar ritual for themselves. I did a brief one yesterday on a walk. We found a trig point and on it was written ‘triangulation station’. I didn’t know what it meant exactly, but it felt powerful… like an energy portal. So my husband and I tuned into the aether and decided what we wanted to divorce ourselves from (thankfully not each other) and what we wanted to bring in instead.
You can even design your own divorce ritual using your own creativity. As a rule of thumb, if you want to let go of something, it’s powerful to do this on a full moon and if you want to bring something in try this during a new moon.
Re-Defining our lives emerges out of our creativity. We have to weave it into existence via our intention. Our thoughts are electromagnetic energy that move through the aether which spins itself into existence via torsion waves (or spirals). So spin your web!
I like using prompts like these:
What love means to me is….
What I won’t stand for is…
My emotions are….
What I feel when I look at X is….
My relationship with discomfort is…
What I need to connect safely is….
What makes me feel unsafe in relationships is….
The truth about my capabilities is….
I’m at maximum capacity when….
I recently purchased these writing prompts by Nina Karnikowski to help me ask better questions and improve my self definition. I'm sharing them incase you're looking for a tool.
By doing all the foundational work FIRST, choosing to behave differently becomes easier because the old driver has gone. When you try and address the behaviour WITHOUT addressing the ‘split self’, the driver remains. That’s not to say the issue won’t return after doing some of the foundational work because as each new context of your life appears, it may kick up stuff that’s been in the shadows. But every time you ‘fall off the wagon’ an opportunity presents itself for you to understand yourself deeper, for strengthening your resolve and getting back ON the wagon aka re-aligning with your authentic self. You haven’t failed, you’re just knowing yourself in new ways every. single. time.
And that's a beautiful thing.
So there you have it, how to fix any issue, even if you keep falling off the wagon.
In reality this process in not linear, although it can be, as is relfected inside a Rapid Transformational Therapy session.
Talking of which if you'd like to explore one of these magical session, here's the link.
RTT helps with anxiety, weight loss, depression, low confidence, public speaking, fears, phobias, auto immune issues, frequent urination, migraines, low libido, hot flushes, insomnia, brain fog, vaso vagal syncope and anything that requires a change of perception or behaviour.