So last summer (2018) I had a mid life crisis. My whole world got shaken up, everything I thought I knew about me and my life turned upside down and I become insecure, depressed, anxious, agoraphobic and unable to sleep. I was RIDDLED with negativity. I dumped my partner of 7 years because I believed he wasn’t enough for me and then I spiralled ever more downward. It was NOT pretty.
However, the power of hindsight is a wonderful thing and I can see that in the two weeks leading up to me finishing with my partner I was in a pretty negative state. I was choosing negativity, I was feeding it because strangely somehow, it felt good! It felt like an addiction, it felt compelling, just like watching something gruesome on the TV… you know you shouldn’t but you can’t help it!! And I later discovered from scientist Bruce Lipton, that negativity IS an addiction because it feeds what is familiar and when we do what is familiar…. WE FEEL SAFE! But it doesn’t work out for us long term.
So, I believe now it was THAT negativity that caused the meltdown rather than the meltdown causing the negativity. Often we think that external things cause our negativity rather than our negativity causing the external things to go wrong. But I’m here to tell you that negativity increases your stress levels and your chances of being up tight, clumsy and doing and saying things you don’t actually mean or that you will regret.
Now, we all experience negative feelings…. I’m not talking about that…. I’m talking about negative thoughts! Because the truth is negative thoughts creative negative feelings which then cause negative actions or inactions which then cause negative thoughts again…. so it goes on a spiral. If we want to feel differently, WE HAVE TO CHOOSE DIFFERENT THOUGHTS in order to break that negative loop.
Now I’m not saying I don’t want you to feel negative if someone you love dies or something you didn’t want happens to you. You must feel the pain of that and you must grieve to express it, but you MUST, as soon as you can, reframe it so that you don’t wallow in the negativity... and you need to have your radar tuned in to know when enough is enough.
You see our minds are meaning making machines. We can attach a positive meaning or negative meaning to literally anything. If we have a palpitation we can think that we’re going to have a heart attack or we can think, ‘ah that’s my body telling me I need to re set my stress levels and take a break.’ Positive people attach positive meaning.
Here’s another case in point. A friend of mine hired a car, didn’t take out the excess protection insurance and the car got badly scratched. He got stung for a £1300 bill. Of course he felt gutted but he decided to change the meaning of it. Firstly he took it as a sign that he needs to take out the excess in future (valuable lesson) and secondly he used it as fuel to generate more money.
Here’s another one for us ladies. How many of you think that PMT is negative?? I used to think that because it doesn’t feel very nice but now I attach a very different meaning to it. In the week leading up to your period it’s actually a very useful time and if society really tuned into the power of a woman at this time, things could be very different. Basically a women has incredible powers of discernment around this time. She can sniff out BS like a badass and because her tolerance level is lower, she expects higher standards… better communication, a tidier house, she basically wants things done better. Is this not a good thing?? Of course it is!
Last year I smashed my phone screen which was a pain but then the insurance company sent me two phones by mistake! Quids in! I would have smashed my phone screen again!
So that’s all well and good but what about when we’re currently going through something negative….
I believe we MUST try hard at breaking that negative thinking by using different language both internal and external. Again it always comes down to the language you use which will give you a different feeling and cause you to take a more positive action. And you have to keep going with it. You can’t just do it once and expect it to be different. It’s a daily, hourly, minute by minute thing. So for example you might say: “Ok so I’m not sleeping that well at the moment but I know if I look at my life I’ve slept more than I’ve not slept so I know I’m capable of sleeping I just need to trust and let go and know I can sleep… I’m trusting my body right now that it will always look after me….I’m learning to let go” Or “oh my gosh, I’m stressed about this client or that I’ve got so much to do”….turn it into “I’ve coped brilliantly so many times before and this time is no different…. I have phenomenal coping skills.”
It’s language, language, language.
So here’s my homework for you.
Have a wonderful positive day and remember, the sun is always there even if the clouds are covering it.